By request of inothernews
“So a lot of you are probably wondering what this is. (Points to hologram of Princess Leia.) This is Princess Leia. Well not really Princess Leia. That’s, um, that’s Carrie Fisher, from that movie Star Wars, which I know none of you dillholes have ever seen because Hollywood is a bunch of grizzled liberals like me. Well anyhow, the plot of Star Wars — since you’ve never seen it — is that Princess Leia is in a spaceship and that spaceship is getting chased by Darth Vader and anyway Darth Vader — played by Dick Cheney, JUST KIDDING, GET OFF MY LAWN — catches the princess’s spaceship and she plants a holographic SOS into an R2 unit who escapes to Tatooine which is this desert planet and Jesus Christ, just go see the fucking movie. Anyway, Princess Leia’s hologram asks Obi-Wan Kenobi for help. Which I could use right now along with a God-damned drink. Anyhow, um, don’t bother asking me to explain how holograms work — that involves science, which I know we’re not too fond of in this grand old party, and, um, where was I?”
he wins
